Making Biblical Family Life Practical

It's human nature - everybody has things they regret, or at least, things they'd do differently if they could. But a thoughtful reader told us she was tired of hearing everybody's regrets - what about things we did homeschooling that turned out well, or even better than we expected? This episode we share several things that made our homeschooling adventure more enjoyable, less anxious, and more effective for everybody. And even if you've been homeschooling for years and years, you'll find useful ideas even veterans can use! One Decision We Live With Every Day! We each had a personal library of favorite books when we got married, but as young parents we started acquiring books for our children, too. Our kids have grown up with lots of books surrounded by books absolutely swimming in books (consider the impact of eight kids and each has their own growing collection ...) The research is confirming that this is actually a good thing. A study from the Australian National University surveyed 160,000 adults from 31 different countries, from the U.S. and U.K. to Turkey, Japan, and Chile. Respondents, who ranged in age from 25 to 65, were asked to estimate how many books were in their house when they were 16 years old. The research team was interested in this question because home library size can be a good indicator of what the study authors term “book-oriented socialization.” Participants were able to select from a given range of books that included everything from “10 or less” to “more than 500.” The surveys, which were taken between 2011 and 2015, showed that the average number of books in participants’ childhood homes was 115, but that number varied widely from country to country. The average library size in Norway was 212 books, for instance; in Turkey, it was 27. Across the board, however, it seemed that more books in the home was linked to higher proficiency in the areas tested by the survey. (Read more at Smithsonian Magazine) Interestingly, the study found that a person who grew up surrounded by books but left school after the ninth grade, has nearly the same literacy scores as a university graduate who didn't have many books growing up “So, literacy-wise, bookish adolescence makes up for a good deal of educational advantage,” the study authors write. How's that for your good news of the day? Here's our favorite cartoon about people like us ... can you relate?   NEWS AND INFORMATION NEW SPEAKING EVENTS: We've added three new events to our speaking schedule - next month we'll be in Danville, Va., on February 22, and in April, Winnsboro, La. on the 7th and Shreveport, La. on the 9th. Would you like to have us speak at your event? Your support group, parents' club, church, or other gathering? It's super easy when we're already on the road. Check out our events page and then drop us a line here - we'd love to hear from you!   Special Thanks to Our Network Sponsor - Christian Standard Bible The Christian Standard Bible captures the Bible’s original meaning without compromising clarity. An optimal blend of accuracy and readability, this translation helps readers make a deeper connection with God’s Word and inspires lifelong discipleship.

What do you do when the adult kids move out ... and then come back? It's not uncommon - the Census Bureau reports that more than one out of three Millennials (ages 18-34) are living at home with their parents. (In some states, it's nearly 50%!) * "A Third of Young Adults Live With Their Parents" Jonathan Vespa, U.S. Census Bureau * "Young adults living with their parents hits a 75-year high" Aimee Pichi, CBS News This is not unusual historically - when we look back in our family history a hundred years or more, we see it was common for adult children to be living with parents and sharing the work of farm, forge, and kitchen - or for newlyweds to be living with their parents or in-laws for a time, too. But this has become more common in recent years. Why? Young people are getting married later - age of first marriage is approaching 30 for men and 27 for women * In 1976, 75% of men and 93% of women were married by age 30 * In 2014, it was half that - 32% of men and 46% of women * More Millennials live with their parents than with a spouse Student loan debt is a serious burden to many, too. The average college graduate with a bachelor's degree left school with nearly $28,500 in debt * "Student Load Debt Statistics" Brianna McGurran, NerdWallet.com And this all happening in the midst of a long, sluggish recovery from the financial crises of 2008 and beyond. So it's not surprising or rare for parents to find themselves with a twenty-something son or daughter moving back into their old bedroom. The question is, how can we make this work for all of us? This episode is brought to you by The subscription box that builds your skills! www.CraftsmanCrate.com

  Should children be in the main church service with the big people? We had eight children and we've tried to keep them in "big church" with us as much as possible. And we found that, with some wisdom and attention, it's not only possible, but actually very good - and the kids learn much more than you might expect! This episode, we're talking about the why and how of bringing little kids into the worship and teaching of the whole church. Children and Worship in the Bible Many churches have separate services for kids, "children's church," in addition to nurseries that sometimes include kids well out of the diaper years. We've been to churches that strongly encouraged - or even demanded - that children be sent out of the main sanctuary! But what do we see in the Bible? In both the Old and New Testaments, children are specifically welcomed among the adults in formal and informal times of worship * Moses included children and "little ones" when he gathered the people to hear and re-affirm the covenant (Deuteronomy 29:11) * Even children seven and under were expected to benefit from Scriptural teaching (Deuteronomy 31:10-13) * Very young children were included in other times of worship and prayer (2 Chronicles 20:13, Ezra 10:1, Nehemiah 10:28, Joel 2:16) * Jesus accepted the worship of children when He entered Jerusalem, quoting Psalm 8:2 (Matthew 21:16) * Jesus welcomed children into His presence even when the disciples didn't (Matthew 19:14, Mark 10:14, Luke 18:16) * Children were present for Jesus' teaching and miracles (Matthew 14:21, John 6:9) * Jesus taught his disciples they should learn from the simple faith of children (Matthew 18:2-5) * Children are mentioned in gatherings with the apostles, too (Acts 21:5) Making It Work - For Everybody We were bringing babies and young children into the services long before it was cool! We were inspired and encouraged by Edith Schaeffer's books where she described how she had managed her own young family in church, and we decided to try it ourselves. Here's what we learned: * Remember children are, after all, children. Don’t expect them to act like tiny adults. They will be fidgety, noisy, and childish. * Start at home. Include your children in family devotions. Teach them to sit quietly for prayer. Practice sitting quietly in Mom or Dad’s lap for periods of time while reading the Bible or listening to someone teaching. * Prepare your children to behave appropriately in church. Remind them that there are times to be still and quiet, like during the prayers, and times to stand up and sing with joy. You may want to explain your church’s beliefs about Communion or the Lord’s Supper, whether your child should take part or not. * Teach them to sing. Even a child who can’t read yet can join in the singing if she knows the words. And it’s plain from the Bible that God is delighted to hear the voices of little children singing His praise! * Help the children understand the message. You can whisper a simple explanation or draw illustrations to keep a child interested and learning. Curt and Sandra Lovelace's book Children in Church has great examples how to do this. * Be sensitive to other worshipers. Some people just aren't used to normal background noises of children. Sit near a doorway and be ready to quietly remove a fussy child - if they calm down, you might be able to slip back in. Don’t sell your kids short – if you make a habit of talking about the Lord and His Word at home, like it says in Deuteronomy 6,

  Whether the economy is strong or struggling, the traditional Christmas gift-buying rush is a major expense. When you've got a big family like ours, that only accentuates it! This week, we're talking about ways we've learned to make your Christmas budget go a long way, even with lot of kids and a little bit of money. Big Family, Small Budget We have a big family - eight children, and now they're getting married and bringing new family and grandkids into the mix. So a long time ago, we had to figure out how to budget for a fun Christmas that didn't bankrupt the whole operation! We've found several concepts that have helped us make the most of our Christmas shopping. Let's talk about the kids first. Shopping for the Children * Look for presents which are both educational and fun. There are more than you think! * Find gifts that encourage interaction. Multi-player games can entertain more people than single-player varieties. * Choose gifts that are appropriate for multiple ages. Remember you can team older and younger players together so different ages can have a chance at games. Sometimes you can even give a larger gift for multiple children to share. * Look for creative and constructive gifts. Art supplies, craft kits (see below!), construction toys, model kits, and tools are great ideas. For school-aged kids, we found it was better to buy inexpensive but real tools and supplies rather than the toy varieties that aren't really useful. * Seek out gifts of lasting value. Toys and games which have been popular for a long time, classic books (for children as well as older readers), clothing that won't go out of style - these won't fall out of fashion! What About Each Other? * Be sure you're in agreement about shopping - like how much to spend on each other. Be honest ... and don't cheat. * Know your mate's preferences - practical or whimsical, surprise or planned gifts. The only right answer is the one that makes your mate happy. * Don't overlook experiences, services, or pre-owned treasures. We've done all of these at different times. * Old Christmas is an option. Christmas used to be celebrated on January 6, and some people still observe "the twelve days of Christmas." When we were newlyweds, we exchanged gifts on Old Christmas - after taking advantage of the year-end clearance sales! Mom and Dad might agree to do this for each other, even while sharing the usual December 25 event with the children. Pro Tip Family Gift List - A few years ago, we started a family gift list on Google Docs. We try to keep this updated all year long, with options divided by price range - free things, $5 gifts, $20 gifts, more expensive gifts. This has been a big help as our kids reach for adulthood and have more specific interests and needs. It's also helpful for birthdays, Valentine's, Mother's Day or Father's Day, and anniversary presents! REFERENCES * Americans expect to spend $719 billion on Christmas this year (Nat'l Federation of Retailers) * The average American plans to spend $885 personally - 33% expect to spend $1000 or more (Gallup) * 28% of Americans are still paying off last year's Christmas shopping (NerdWallet) RESOURCES * Our son Caleb offers this

The Thanksgiving holiday is the busiest time of year on America's highways, and you may be driving long hours with little ones on board. How do you manage this so you all arrive at Grandma's in good spirits? We hit the road in 2010 with seven children in the van and we're crisscrossing the country for six months every year. This episode, we'll share what we've learned about covering long distance with little ones! You're Not Alone Last year, AAA estimated 51 million of us would be on the road for Thanksgiving. That's like the whole population of New York, Pennsylvania, Illinois, and Minnesota on the highway at the same time! It's hard to guess how many of those millions were riding in booster seats, but you can bet it was a bunch. There are some practical ways to make this more manageable for everyone:  Making It Work * Remember kids are kids - you've got make allowance for them. When Jacob met his brother Esau on the way back to his home country, Esau urged him to come along - but Jacob reminded him, "the children are weak," and told him to go ahead, "[and] I will lead on slowly at a pace which the livestock ..., and the children, are able to endure." (Genesis 33:12-14) * Take it easy on the mileposts. The fact that Dad the Road Warrior can handle 700 miles a day may not be the best plan for Mom and the kids. We were much happier when we slowed down our itinerary. * Be sure that kids who sleep all day will be alert and active when Mom and Dad are ready for bed! We've done a few trips overnight or in the wee hours, but it made the parents grumpy the next day - and no child needs that! It's tempting to pile on the miles while the crew is napping, but you'll all be happier if you get out and get some exercise during the day. Which leads to our discovery, * We all need regular breaks. On doctor's advice, we make a brief stop every couple of hours. You're going to need gas and rest rooms eventually, why not just plan on it? Modern travel plazas aren't like the seedy truck stops of old - we find they're usually clean, well-lit, and have large rest rooms. Which reminds us, * "Mandatory Bathroom Stops" make it efficient. We just require everybody to get out and use the rest room, even if they "don't need to go." (We found the teenager who insisted he didn't need to get out was the one who would have an emergency thirty minutes down the road.) * Don't miss the field trips along the way. We've had some great stops at National Parks, state historical sites, or even just picnic areas with a view. Go ahead - you might learn something, and if nothing else, the kids can run around and use up some energy! (Keep a ball or Frisbee handy to encourage some activity). A little research beforehand can highlight neat stuff ahead. * Do like the airlines - distract the passengers with changing activities. You can hand out a snack, then a little while later surprise them with some new crayons or a book, then sing or play a car game, then maybe start a DVD or pop in an audio book (we've got some suggestions below!) Older kids might be able to do some schoolwork along the way - but if it's a short vacation, you might want to just take the days off from book work and let them learn what they can from the travel. In the old days, an education wasn't considered complete until the student had experienced some serious travel. Now, it's so much easier to get around, we tend to rush through it and miss the good stuff along the way. Slow down a bit, let the kids out of their car seats some, and enjoy the journey together!  

Once upon a time, when we were young parents a long way from home, we heard someone say, "Date night is absolutely necessary for a healthy marriage!" When you're new in town and grandparents are a thousand miles away, that's discouraging! But the important thing is not "dates" but connection - how to renew the face-to-face relationship in the midst of shoulder-to-shoulder life. This episode, we talk about practical ways to do just that, even if you can't really manage a getaway right now! What's the reason? Actually the important thing is not "the event" but the time for re-connection. Don't get frustrated and fretful over the inability to do a big formal celebration - it may be the best thing at this time of life is smaller and closer to home. In fact, home is a good option. We travel so much with our speaking and teaching ministry, we really find a quiet evening at home is a change of pace! We've had some great anniversaries and Valentine's dates watching old movies on Netflix and eating dinner we prepared ourselves. What are some options when kids are in the mix? A second thing that's important to remember is that we need all sorts of intimacy - not just the kind that takes total privacy and all kids asleep or absent. It's good to just talk together, whether over dinner or a grown-up dessert, and let the kids watch their own movie back in the family room. If you really want them to entertain themselves for a while, you can even invest in some snack foods and turn them loose for an hour or two. If you haven't noticed, people never stop growing and changing. You didn't reach 18 or 25 or 40 and then stop, as if you'd arrived at a destination -- life goes on, and you both will find new surprises in each other if you look for them. Why not ask some open ended questions - "What's your favorite food? Do you like different things as an adult than you did as a child? What's the earliest thing you can remember? What did you find surprising about being married?" If you need some suggestions, sign up for our free series, "LoveBirdSeed" and get fun and thought-provoking conversation starters every week. Of course you can stay up later than the kids ... or get up earlier. You can go for a walk together or take the kids to the park, where you can sit on a bench and watch them play while you have some grownup conversation. Grandparents are a lifesaver if they're nearby (and remember, letting your kids eat a few extra cookies at Nana's house probably won't topple the organic or keto lifestyle you're cultivating at home). We even know friends who traded babysitting with each other on a regular schedule, one Friday a month at each house - and as the kids got older, the couples were even able to sneak away for overnights sometimes. Remember that a lot of advice people share is based on particular circumstances. Sometimes you're so busy or kept apart by business travel or other responsibilities, you really need to jealously protect a few precious hours. In that case, a scheduled, carefully planned date on the calendar can be a lifesaver! But if you are blessed to have more free time together on a regular basis, the desperation isn't the same, and maybe you can find good, satisfying "couple time" from day to day. Date night can be great fun, but don't feel that it's a mandatory formality if you're building a strong relationship in the informal hours of life right now! "Q: What do we do when we can’t get away for our anniversary – not even for dinner out?"

Are Manners Important? In the digital age, when informality and familiarity is the norm in so many places, is it too “old school” to teach manners to your kids? Have we moved past all the old social niceties? Is it unmanly for our boys to be schooled in etiquette? Or is there something important and lasting about manners and courtesy? Where’s the Biblical balance? Recent events in the news suggest our country is having a breakdown in public manners – when even elected officials are publicly calling for their supporters to be uncivil to opponents, and politicians seem to win praise for how nasty they can be to the other side. Studies are suggesting that the new generation just starting to graduate from college is so locked into online interaction – text messaging and social media – that they are losing the ability to interact face-to-face, and any awkwardness or difference of opinion is taken as a dangerous, personal attack. CLICK HERE to read Hal’s review of the fascinating book iGen by Jean Twenge Should we be concerned? Or is this just the new reality? What Do We Mean by “Manners”? When we say the word “manners” or “etiquette” we might think of questions like, “Which fork do I use first at the banquet?” Actually, though, the concept of manners is much broader than those sorts of details. Manners are the social conventions that promote peaceful, respectful interaction between people. They’re the way we show consideration toward others, and in many ways, an expression of personal modesty or humility. They’re diplomacy at the one-on-one level. And we see all of these in the Scripture! The Bible Says Quite A Lot About Manners We’ve all heard the Golden Rule – Jesus said, “Just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise” (Luke 6:31) It’s a call to put ourselves in another person’s place, and then act accordingly. Little children aren’t capable of it, but it’s something that we teach our kids as they grow – think about others! In Romans 12:10 Paul says we should “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”(ESV) Our behavior toward others is how we show them honor – the way we speak to them, the way we treat them, the way we speak about them to others. Paul says we should be so concerned to show honor to others, we should make a point to be the best at it. And Peter says in 1 Peter 3:8, “Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous.” That’s remarkable – Peter says this of the relationships within the church (and remember the church was a brand new thing where Jews and Gentiles were brought into close and equal fellowship – when they had previously seen each other with suspicion or even disgust). He says, “Take these people that you used to ignore or reject, and become united in mind, sensitive and compassionate in heart, and particularly, polite toward one another.” We can go on and on with this, but the point is, as Christians, we are called to be polite people. It’s a matter of respect and self-control, as well as humility. Good manners are not unmanly or weak – in fact, you might point out to your sons (who may naturally push back at “sissy” rules about courtesy) that some of the greatest leaders of history – men like George Washington and Theodore Roosevelt, commanders whose men would willingly follow them into danger and death, were known for their refined manners in society. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about! Points to Consider It’s clear that Christians are supposed to be polite people,

If your child has siblings it's just about certain they'll have squabbling. Sibling rivalry of one sort or another is unpleasant but normal - the question for us as parents is, "What can I do about it? How can I deal with the bickering and arguments, to make our home a place of peace and harmony?" In this episode we talk about what we've learned raising our family of eight strong-willed, opinionated, energetic, competitive kids! Your Family is Meant to Be an Example The Bible has many passages which suggest that our family relationships are an illustration of spiritual truths. When Paul talks about the relationship of husbands and wives, he concludes, "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:32) How can we understand the new relationship of fellow believers in the church? By comparing it to the fellowship of parents to children and siblings with one another (1 Timothy 5:1-2). When Jesus is called "a friend who sticks closer than a brother," (Proverbs 18:24) that makes no sense if brotherhood is all about fighting, arguments, and hostility! Some Practical Guidelines We've established some household rules that are meant to create or maintain a culture of peace and harmony! * No Name Calling - Names are important in the Bible, and if our kids have a complaint with one another, theyr'e not allowed to sling nicknames or taunts at each other. Never - not even using a common nickname that the child doesn't want. If you always go by Edward, you might consider Teddy an undesirable handle! * No Bullying or Pestering - Bullying is using your greater strength, size, or another advantage, to intimidate and persecute other people. Pestering is using your lesser ability to lay traps for the stronger sibling, then running to Mama as a "victim." * Rejoice With Those Who Rejoice - And weep with those that weep (Romans 12:16). The Bible tells us to come alongside our brethren in the church and share in their feelings. We encourage the same standard with our children. *  Remember We're On The Same Team - We don't let our children get a I-win-you-lose mentality toward their siblings, and we encourage them to see one sibling's success as a victory for Team Family. Sure, they play games and compete that way, but in day to day life, we encourage them to think in terms of cooperation and collaboration, not trying to "beat" their brother or sister. A Long Term Project Just a few days ago, two of our teenagers were having a disagreement. Hal sat them down and gave them a simple challenge - that every day, moment by moment, they were making decisions about how to interact. Are they working to build unity, harmony, and love within the family? Or are their words and actions tearing that down? It's important to remember two things. First, that this is a life-long process. We still have to remind, rebuke, coach, and encourage our kids, long after they're teenagers. It's not a simple checklist on the fridge that fixes everybody's attitude in an afternoon! But secondly, we need to keep close in mind that we homeschoolers are the primary source of our children's socialization. Sure, they may pick up undesirable words or attitudes from media, group meetings, or friends, but since they spend most of their time with their parents, we have to be honest. When we find a social behavior that we don't like, they may very well be picking it up from us. If the children are disrespectful to Mom, are they following Dad's example? If they have a sarcastic tone, are they imitating Mom? We need to live our own lives in our family to be a pattern for our kids. The family life they see around their dinner table every day is very likely to be the family life our gran...

Homeschooling with Babies and Toddlers We homeschooled from the very beginning, which meant that we’ve always had babies and toddlers in the mix. We’ve always had multiple ages to deal with! What’s the number one thing we wish we’d known?  That it gets easier! The struggle is real. When you have little children, the burden is mostly Mom’s. It takes two hours to get ready to go anywhere, as you fight through the necessary clothing changes, diaper changes, baby nursings, and so on before you depart. When you have three little ones and only two hands, that’s reality. Don’t be surprised that you’re overwhelmed – give yourself some grace! We wish we’d known that having an eighth child at 45 would be less of a jolt than having a third child at 31. We didn’t realize that as new babies joined the family, the older children were growing more and more capable and helpful. With some training, even your six- or seven-year-old can take some of your load off! Don't miss out on that help - make the investment to teach them household skills, and you'll be training them for life as well as getting a hand up on your present-day stress. Don’t Freak Out! If you’re just starting homeschooling, you might be worried – can I really do this? What if I mess them up? With the younger ones, you really can’t wreck their education. Preschoolers and toddlers need you to read them stories and let them play, pretend, and explore. Don’t try and push them into academics too early – if they’re not developmentally ready, it won’t work, and it will only convince them that school is unpleasant. Don’t destroy their natural curiosity and love of learning! What about babies? We never centered school around the kitchen table or a row of desks. Rather, Melanie found a comfortable chair (she liked the recliner) so she could nurse the baby or cuddle them while they slept. A book case on one side held the school materials and a child-sized table and chair on the other kept everything within arm’s reach. Homeschooling isn’t like a classroom and doesn’t have to look like one. We found babies really weren’t disrupters at all. Toddlers, now, are disrupters, and no mistake. Remember little ones have little attention spans. Don’t expect them to sit still for long at all. When they run up to you and interrupt the formal school, it’s best to let them – don’t try to say, “We’ll be done in 20 minutes, Sweety,” because the one thing they can concentrate on is whining. Instead, tell the older students what to do for a few minutes, then take the toddler in your lap, give them three or four minutes of eye contact and interaction, and then let them go play again. First attention is the fastest! In fact, they’ll learn what they need at the early ages if you just keep them nearby and talk to them. You can teach colors, numbers, and other basic facts just in the course of family life. Keep some quiet toys in the school room, buy them some child size household tools (brooms and such), and let them help with tasks like folding towels or sorting the silverware. And when you’re starting your primary students, don’t push them too hard either. Whatever you teach them at six years old, they’ll be seeing and practicing over and over for years to come. It won’t hurt if you need to skip a day or go back and repeat something. We've had four graduate homeschooling and go to college on scholarships; there's a time to step up the academic game, but it's not in primary school! Be sure you adapt your household expectations. Your family is on a mission from God, and that mission probably isn’t “Be ready to welcome the camera crew from Architectural Digest.” If your home is occupied 24/7 instead of empty all day, and doubles as a school, laboratory,

Move over, Millennials - the new generation has arrived! Researcher Jean Twenge calls them iGen - the first generation that's grown up with smart phone in hand. How has that shaped their thinking? What does that mean for the rest of us? How should we teach and prepare our children to interact with their generational peers? Are there things to watch out for - and opportunities to grasp? Join us for a discussion of Twenge's book iGen and how this new culture impacts our family life, ministry, and society at large. Discussion of Jean Twenge's book iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood--and What That Means for the Rest of Us Researcher Jean Twenge noticed that numerous cultural trend lines took a sharp turn about 2012 – the year after the majority of Americans were carrying smart phones. She marks this as the sign of a new generational group some have called Generation Z (following the Millennial “Generation Y”). She's called them iGen - the generation shaped by the iPhone - and she makes a powerful case that the handheld devices might be the largest influencer in their thinking, philosophy, and personality. What’s distinctive about this generation? They are growing up online. The average high school senior now spends six hours a day on new media, including two hours of Internet and two and a quarter of text messaging – every day. Time previous generations spent on homework, extracurricular activities, after-school jobs, and hanging out with friends, has been replaced by hanging out online. They are insecure and unhappy from their constant diet of social media, and 34% have been cyberbullied. Because they know how people manage and manipulate their image, they are cynical about what they see even while it impacts them emotionally. They value individualism. Like Millennials, they seek authenticity. As a rule, they will not tolerate criticism of anybody, especially themselves (though they are prone to self-criticism). They have largely embraced the sexual revolution (widespread pornography, abortion on demand, same sex marriage, normalization of transgenderism) as nobody’s business “as long as nobody is hurt.” They are maturing more slowly. Their parents have been protective and the children have embraced child status well into their twenties. The typical high school senior today is less likely to have earned a driver’s license, had an after-school or summer job, gone out on a date, or even spent much time outside parents’ direct supervision. They value safety. iGen’ers are less likely to engage in risky behaviors like reckless driving, drug and alcohol experimentation, or sex as teenagers – not because these activities are immoral (iGen appears to continue the Millennial rejection of religion), but because they aren’t safe. Their social lives and identity are text-based online, so words are weaponized. This is why campus culture is becoming hysterical over controversial speakers or even contrary opinions. iGen students demand protection from challenging viewpoints and consider offensive words as literal, physical assault. They are less likely to have had scuffles on the playground as children; instead, they've grown up savaging one another by text message. Why should we care, and what should we do about it? Although we may be raising our own family by older standards, this is the generation of our children and the culture they will need to navigate as adults. How can we prepare them to succeed? Move slowly on cell phone and social media. Social media is linked to depression, especially in younger students.

Is your son or daughter an entrepreneur at heart? Are you or they, either one, debating whether college is even worthwhile for a young person aiming at their own business?  This episode, we talk with our son Samuel Adams Young, who's enrolled in an innovative business program at his college - one that teaches the hands-on skills needed to succeed as an entrepreneur! Tech Giants Not Withstanding ... We have friends who are skeptical about the need for college experience to succeed in life. After all, they say, neither Bill Gates (founder of Microsoft), Steve Jobs (visionary CEO of Apple), Mark Zuckerberg (creator of Facebook), nor Ted Turner (founder of CNN and other networks) finished college. Fair enough. At the same time, the exceptions don't prove a rule - and you can't deny that billionaires in Silicon Valley or cable TV are not your average neighborhood business owner. It's also true that some career fields (particularly in technology) are changing so rapidly that a hands-on apprenticeship is nearly as useful as a four-year degree for starting a life-long career. (Listen to our interview with Ken Auer of Role Model Software, a prime example!) Yet with all the exceptions and hedges and provisions in place, there are still good reasons a budding entrepreneur might consider going to a four-year degree program.  This episode, we're talking with our son Samuel, who is a rising star in an innovative program to equip young business people with tools they can use to kick start their own companies. This program was funded by the late Ralph Ketner, co-founder of one of the fastest-growing grocery chains in America, Food Lion. In establishing the Center for Entrepreneurship and Experiential Development, Ketner told the college that true entrepreneurship is hands-on, not just theoretical classroom work, and so the goal of the college is to help students actually create viable, money-making businesses from their ideas. Until his death in 2016 at the age of 95, Ketner maintained an office at the college and frequently counseled students from his long career of growing business from the ground up. Resources We Mentioned Center for Entrepreneurship and Experiential Development - Catawba College, Salisbury, N.C. Donald Miller, Building a StoryBrand: Clarify Your Message So Customers Will Listen Samuel's business startup - DashFireMan Some We Forgot to Mention We have a whole section of resources about entrepreneurship on our website - CLICK HERE to find out more!  

When's the right time to get your middle schoolers online? Researcher Jean Twenge (iGen) says that people born since 1995--that's the class just starting to graduate from college, and their younger siblings--have basically grown up with round-the-clock Internet access. It's not healthy, and it's causing some specific, traceable problems ... and yet, the world our kids are graduating into demands computer literacy ... and expects to find a current social media footprint. How can we both protect our younger kids and prepare them for the real world just a few years ahead? This episode, we'll start the conversation on middle schoolers and the online world ...   Some Announcements ... We are still celebrating the release of our new book, No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope ... and we are getting some fantastic first-reader reviews! CLICK HERE to see a sample ... or to order your own copy.  Background information: This week's episode is in response to several of those reviews! We're scheduling upcoming events ... We've recently finished agreements for events in North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, and Florida ... and we have plans to be in Maryland for a private event, soon, too. CLICK HERE to see our newest plans ... and if you'd like to have us speak at your church, retreat, conference, or other event, VISIT OUR SPEAKING EVENT WEBSITE HERE. Big HELLO to our new listeners on iHeartRadio! Be sure to come here to check out the show notes and links we mention on the air ... So what about middle schoolers and time online? Dr. Twenge says that studies indicate the average high school senior now spends six hours per day online - including two and a quarter hours in text messaging, alone. Where is this time coming from? She shows that it comes from less time in homework, less time in extracurricular activities, less time working after-school jobs, and much less time just hanging out with friends "in real life." This is undermining their social and emotional developments in many ways that explain the alarm and hysteria coming from college campuses these days! There is also some correlation with the rise in teenage mental illness, including self-harming behaviors, and obsessive use of social media. So it should be obvious that we don't want to drop our pre-teens into that mix when they are in their most uprooted, emotional, hormonal, and generally unstable time of life. It wouldn't be wise, it wouldn't be prudent, and it simply wouldn't be kind. Instead, let's hold off on social media for young people until they're back on an even emotional keel - maybe 15 or 16. At that point, we recommend starting them off with lots of supervision and advice. Why? Because like it or not, social media has replaced the front porch and casual relationships in church, neighborhood, and community for establishing a basic public reputation. It's expected. That means we need to coach our young people in appropriate online behavior, just like our parents wager beat casino review or grandparents coached us--what's appropriate and how we should act where the neighbors can hear or the community can see. What about other uses of the net? We need to recognize that the old "electronic babysitter," the television of our youth,

Nobody told us what to expect ... babies and toddlers we read about, and people warned us in hushed tones about the dreadful teen years, but nobody told us, "Just wait till they're in middle school!" This week on Facebook Live we took questions from parents of pre-teens, asking them "What are you having struggles with?" That's the meat of this week's podcast - real live Q&A about dealing with the challenges of tweens! Whether you call them pre-teens, tweens, middle-schoolers, or something else, your child will go through a transitional period between "clearly a little kid" to "definitely a teenager." That catches most of us by surprise. Why is that? Probably because we're anticipating the physical changes - his voice cracks, she starts her cycle, he's got a proud new whisker, she is starting to get a figure. Before those outward changes appear, there's a tidal wave of hormones that start the body's transformation, and those hormones cause all sorts of effects in their thinking, their emotions, and even their spiritual lives. What's more important, our families stumble into a relationship minefield at this point. If we don't recognize what's happening and handle it right, we can end up with strained, bent, or broken relationships with our pre-teens. But it's also an opportunity. If we can come alongside our sons and daughters during this time and give them understanding, guidance, and encouragement - as well as discipleship and discipline when needed - we can lay foundations for a great relationship during the exciting years ahead! Questions we addressed ...  7:21 - They're so addleheaded in school 11:21 - Highly emotional but lacking in perspective 13:03 - They make wild assertions with no basis in reality 14:16 - The personal challenge of discipleship 14:56 - How to manage a changing school situation 17:37 - What about transitioning to adulthood - even with special needs 20:32 - Suddenly, there's social anxiety 23:36 - He's struggling in school and hates it 26:35 - A normally friendly boy growing quiet and withdrawn 28:01 - Tips for overcoming shyness Resources we recommended ... Our new book, No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope - Read reviews here Dianne Craft's Brain Integration Therapy Manual Our growing selection of classic, character-building audiobooks

This episode we deal with a perennial problem in parenting - how in the world do we teach our kids self-control? The entertainment and collegiate culture may celebrate raw emotion and thoughtless self-expression - if it's "authentic" it's immune from criticism - but the Bible says differently. What's more, every parent knows that what you might laugh about when they're two, can wreck their lives when they're twenty ... and make your home intolerable when they're sixteen. So what can we do to start - and continue - teaching the critical habit of self-control?   New byHal and Melanie YoungCLICK HERE to find out more!    What Does the Bible Tell Us? The Scriptures warn against being led by our impulses and appetites. The Proverbs are full of warnings about the outcome of anger, drunkenness, laziness, gluttony, lust ... TLDR, it doesn't end well for the person "whose god is their belly, who set their minds on earthly things." (Philippians 3:19) Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:21-22 list "self-control" alongside love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness, as a sign of the Holy Spirit's work in someone. That says it's important, and it also should encourage us to pray for it - for our children and ourselves! Our children are our disciples and they learn from our example ... whether good or bad, and as Jesus said, "everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher." (Luke 6:40 ESV).  That should encourage us to try to be the kind of persons we want our kids to become. Some Practical Ideas Feelings are real but they may not be accurate. The Lord tells us, "The heart is deceitful above all things ..." (Jeremiah 17:9) so we can't trust every feeling that comes up.  Talk with your kids about what they're feeling and why they think that is. Help them discover whether there's really a reason to feel so angry or weepy or fearful. Realize there are times when they really can't control their emotions.  The pre-teen years are so filled with hormones, it is nearly impossible for the young adolescent to handle them. When they're in an emotional storm, you may need to comfort and calm them before you can have a rational conversation again. This will pass; when they settle down, it's good to have that discussion with them. Help them see that self-control (and self-discipline) offers many rewards. A child who can keep his temper or his tears in check is not as likely to be bullied. If they learn to rein in emotional outbursts and blurted observations, they can save themselves a lot of embarrassment and apologies. And learning to defer their immediate desires in order to finish a task or reach toward a goal will be great preparation for a useful adulthood. Encourage them to reach up to adult roles early. When ours are 12- or 13 years old, we make a formal transition - they're no longer "little kids" but now "young adults, in training." We encourage them to take more responsibility for themselves and contribute more to the work around the house - with more freedom and privilege granted as they take on more responsibility. And our parenting has to transition from "direction" to "advice" as they mature - we want to them to be ready to step into full, independent adulthood sooner rather than later, and that means a lot of coaching and advice to get them prepared.

We hear from a lot of parents who are struggling with their eleven-year-olds - the preteen uproar is real! But a close second is parents who are wrestling with an older teen - typically a seventeen-year-old. They don't feel the respect or obedience, they are experiencing pushback and defiance, and they wonder how to make this kid toe the line again. This episode, we look at that question and how we'd answer it - first hint, there's an underlying problem that you can do something about, without having to change your child or get their buy-in! (keep reading) What’s the problem? Society has moved the goalposts. In 1920, it was expected that a 15- or 16-year-old was grown-up enough to find a job or start a family. Now, according to Georgetown University, 65% of jobs in available in the year 2020 will require at least some college education to qualify - that's two-thirds of all jobs, just two years from now. That's telling young people "You're not old enough to be an adult until you're in your mid-twenties." No wonder psychologists Joseph and Claudia Allen say, in Escaping the Endless Adolescence, "Twenty-five is the new fifteen." At the same time, the onset of puberty comes four- to five years sooner than it did in 1920. Our teenagers are gaining adult bodies, adult temptations, adult desires, long before they have adult opportunities - whether or not they're emotionally mature by that time. They are feeling like grown-ups earlier than ever before, even if they can't live that way. And studies tell us that frequently, the parent-child relationship is strained or broken in the preteen years - and a rocky time as teenagers often started with the tween years. By the time they're 17 or 18, they may have long-standing habits of bad interaction - and often, we parents do, too. So what can be done? Recognize the transition to adulthood doesn't happen on the eve of their 18th birthday. We need to be training our teenagers in mature thinking and behavior from their early preteen years. That means we need to ... Recognize their growing adulthood. – They are feeling more and more grown up, and in many ways, they are. We found it helpful to start thinking and speaking of them as young adults, and expecting them to act that way. Transition parenting from “director” to “advisor.” – Your younger children need your active direction – they need you to be a benevolent dictator! But your teens and young adults need you as an advisor. They need to learn to ask their own questions and do their own research, then make decisions for themselves - not wait for orders nor wrench themselves free of your influence. You want to become a trusted counselor to them, not to order them around but to offer your wisdom and experience as guidance. Learn to listen. – Often our kids feel like we never listen to them. We are so focused on the parent-child aspect we fail to appreciate them as people. One way to improve that is to always engage a bid for attention: Whenever they speak or whenever they want to show you something, make a point to look up and make eye contact, then engage whatever is on their mind. Dr Jeff Myers of Summit Ministries says that we must teach truth, but it is only received in the context of a relations...