Onion News Network
Summary: Onion News Network
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- Artist: The Onion
- Copyright: 2012 The Onion, Inc.
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Voters can't wait to show Obama and Romney the pointless talents that make America great.
The Onion News Network investigates the dangerous tradition of Fall Break parties where college students chug maple syrup and strip down to their long underwear.
Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...
Lyndon Johnson pulls ahead in a poll of the nation’s Alzheimer’s patients, an area man is on a personal mission to explain why universally enjoyed things are bad, and a poll finds that 100 percent of the nation’s homosexuals prefer th...
Clark County paramedics responded Thursday to a frantic 911 call from an Econo Lodge motel where the Lord Our God, Divine Creator and Ruler of the Universe, was found naked and unconscious following an unsuccessful suicide attempt, the third such incid...
According to a study published Monday in <i>The New England Journal Of Medicine</i>, the human brain is capable of wondrous, awe-inspiring things while an individual is masturbating.
BREAKING: Analysts are scrambling to determine what leaked searches like "Blood child, blood on the child" and "must the president look at people" could tell us about Mitt Romney.
Pennington, IL's only African-American family moves to the other side of town, causing residents to reminisce about the "Black part of town."
The Onion profiles key battleground state Florida, known for being a state that can go either way. For instance, in 2000, the state famously voted for Republican George W.
The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge
Mr. Autumn Man walks down the street with a cup of coffee, wearing sweater over a plaid collared shirt, the seed of World War III is planted in a Beijing Middle School gym class, and the nation did not see Mark Wahlberg's sex change coming.
Library patrons in Pennington, IL report that something definitely smells like weed back in the young adult section.
Ohio figures to once again be a key battleground state. The Onion presents its profile of the swing state that sends Republicans and Democrats alike into a state of terror every four years.
The U.S. Treasury cowboy claims something done spooked the economy, a local man is going to sit alone in his room until his roommate's party is over, and Sasha Obama asks her father why he was acting like such a pussy during the debate.
A man currently on a very intense cell phone call has been walking up and down the same city block for the past 45 minutes, periodically shaking his head and speaking brusquely to the individual on the other line, sources confirmed Thursday.