Read it and Weep
Summary: Read it and Weep is a good podcast about bad books, movies, and TV. Each week 2.5 comedians and a guest make fun of things like Twilight by Stephanie Meyer, Dear John by Nicholas Sparks, Going Rogue by Sarah Palin, and anything Keanu Reeves has been in.
Dianetics is bullshit. Summary completed. Oh, you want more than that? Okay. In this episode we take on L. Ron Hubbard's work of idiotology. We use his fake discovery, "engrams," to make each other do silly things. We invite L. Ron on the show to defend his book in The Writers' Room. And now, a limerick. --------------------- There once was a man named L. Ron Who hated psychology a ton If you read his religion You could only imagine What kind of drugs he was on!
A freak of nature, another freak of nature, and a bald child with severe depression. Rudolph, Frosty, and Life's Punching Bag, Charlie Brown, are here to teach us what Christmas is really all about. Sure, there's presents and the magic of Christmas snow, but in the world of '60s animation, Christmas is about: Death by evil magicians Existential angst and sheep A criminal justice system based entirely on dentistry Toddlers who love the bible Hating people who are too dirty, too skinny, too sad, and too full of jelly Kids getting raised by absentee trombones And a definitive test of life through juggling and sweeping Our guest, Dru, is still hilarious. Here's his website of awesome. Happy iPod day, everyone. Hope it's a good one.
In this episode of the podcast, we jump into another movie considered by the Internet to be one of the worst ever made. But in this case, we find it. The Star Wars Holiday Special is a filmic abomination so bad it makes "The Room" look like "The Shawshank Redemption." The only mildly interesting part of movie is the original 1978 commercials that are left in to the bootleg copy we watched. After the compliment sandwich and a game of Hatebage, we debut a new segment, Guide Comics For The Blind. Because if we had to watch it, blind people should have to as well.
Stephen is our political operative, embedded deep inside the Democratic machine in Washington... for now. What should he do after his current job is done? We think he should run for coroner.
Sarah Palin's Alaska is the first (and probably not the last) reality show about a lady who quit being governor to be more famous more of the time. In it, Sarah and her family kill fish. And... No. That's basically it. Oh, and she loves America. It's like One Fish, Two Fish, Red, White, and Blue Fish. We make fun of it with compliments, hates, and a new game called A Beautiful Mind in which we try to figure out what's going on in a stupid person's head. Read it and Weep's Alaska correspondent Carl Brodersen calls in with an update about the things about his state that don't suck.
The time has come for us to say goodnight to President Bush, so I thought I'd write him a poem. Goodnight, Bush, with your Decision Points Goodnight to the justices, you got to appoint Goodnight to your brilliant time in Iraq You were right after all, they deserved the attack! Goodnight to humanitarian escapades You almost cured everybody who suffered from AIDS And though as president you accomplished the least Just think you nearly fixed the Middle East! So goodnight to you, sir, even though you were failin' At least you are better than President Palin.
For the middle third of his book, George W. Bush continues to point his ugly decisions at us. His ability to recall things from his presidency is on stunning display, as when his segue from the Afghanistan section into the one about Iraq was as confusing as his actual transition between those two wars. We take his main actions from this section and have a four-way debate [editor's note: there should be a French word for this but I couldn't find one]. What was the biggest mistake George W. Bush is sure he didn't make?
It's been several days since we recorded this episode reviewing George W. Bush's self-serving memoir. Just like him, we've learned nothing from reflecting on his presidency. But whereas he thinks he was an awesome president, we don't know what he is. So we try to figure out by playing a game called "Evil, Stupid, or Crazy?" Is Bush doing things that he knows are wrong? He's evil. Does he not know what he's doing? He's stupid. Does he think what he's doing is right because he doesn't see what's actually going on in the world? George W. Bush is crazy.
The second half of The Power finally reveals Rhonda Byrne's true intentions. The greatest power in the universe should be used to get money, seduce husbands, and save on medical bills by dying of curable diseases. We attack all three of these plans by showing that a love-alanche doesn't necessarily bring a cash-alanche. And by relating everything back to cake. Will the Law of Attraction bring us cake? Tune in next week to find out.
Today's guest "Kerr" has a mediocre blog - This Blog Has A Title. Having already reviewed The Secret and failed to achieve fame, fortune, and magic, we embark on its sequel, The Power. Rhonda Byrne tries to capitalize on her previous success by writing exactly the same book. As such, we make exactly the same jokes about it. Clarezra Explains It All in our new favorite feature, and clears up many confusing aspects of the book. Afterwards, we attempt to recreate the amazing audio book production by creating our own sound effects. For one reason or another, we imagine what it would be like to go down on Stephen "Jesus" Strasburg.
Jacewoww joins us again as we limp to the finish line with our favorite gang of Cheetoes. In this episode we force ourselves to take bold stances on the Maxipad incident, vehicular smushage, acid sweat, and death by hovercraft. Snooki further endears herself to us by having T. rex arms, killing lobsters with kindness, and not understanding if pickles are a type of food. An added bonus, this review of Jersey Shore was made with real quotes from the Situation, who has ruined that word for us forever.
When the government loses control of their evil creation, a half-shark half-octopus that makes no physical sense whatsoever, it goes on a killing spree along the beaches of Mexican tourist towns. Are you filled with questions at this point? We were too, but that's why we followed our Compliment Sandwich with a new segment called Clarezra Explains It All. Then, we try to answer the age old question, who would win in a fight, Sharktopus, Space Shark, or Ghost Shark? After a lively discussion, we opt to settle things in a three-way rap battle. Next up it's the return of Lightning Bonus Round.
Stephanie Meyer didn't try very hard on this book so I won't try very hard on this summary. Basically, we shit on her new novella and along the way discuss how much fun it would be to lick-em stick-em with vampire body parts, what vampire sex is like (hint: don't use venom as lube!), and which Twilight characters would make the best super heroes. Oh, and as a bonus, we name a listener's baby using our patented Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator.
When the Internet says something is terrible, you'd do well to believe it. Behold, the worst movie the world has ever seen! The Room is a transcendent kind of bad. Past painful bad. Past funny bad. Past forming a cult and watching it at midnight bad. This kind of bad is the elusive none-more-worse bad that we've hunting for since we've started the podcast. In this episode we enter the Actor/Writer/Producer/Director's Studio with genius Tommy Wiseau, we linger over the finer details of The Room's steamy R-rated scenes (pillow fights, melting ice sculptures, and awkward use of rose), and we look at numerous other parts of the movie that have, ahem, ROOM for improvement.
Two! Four! Six! Eight! What's a show we really hate? Hellcats! Hellcats! Gooooooo to Hellcats! After a stirring motivational speech from Alex, we take to the Internet waves ready to become champions. With the podcast championship approaching and our star guest sidelined by an injury, we're forced to make fun of Hellcats a man short. Fortunately we have a promising young townie try out for the position by telling a story about sandwiches and hippies. While we wait for the replacement to be ready, we amuse ourselves by pitting the shallow characters of Hellcats against each other in a thrilling Race to the Bottom and have an emergency, 60-second No-Judgement Joke Off. Hellcats isn't just bad, it's bad for the CW, which is saying something.