Read it and Weep

The mystery was solved before the book started, the bad guys turn out not to be good, and the plan to destroy the world happens and it's probably for the best. Well, it's not entertaining but at least it's different. The second half of Inferno contains the usual Dan Brown twist. Everything you thought was wrong and nothing is as it seemed. Except in this case, nothing was as INTERESTING as it seemed. The ending is the most incredible Nerf. None of the danger was real, nobody was trying to kill anybody, and nobody actually died. Surprise, it was all a ruse! And in the most startling twist, Langdon solves the mystery and... it's too late. The evil genius won. And the world is better off because of it. What the shit? I mean, it's not all jolly and good. 1/3 of the earth's population is sterile. But really, the only way to react is "huh." So we do. A bunch of times in a row. Enjoy the episode!

Robert Langdon, famous professor of pedantry and mystery solving, is back with another amazing mystery symbol art treasure mystery hunt book. Will he solve the puzzle in time or will he stop, explain something, and then solve the puzzle in time? But in a totally new and original way to start a book, our hero has already solved the mystery but then he had amnesia and so now needs to solve the mystery again. As he battles against an all-powerful, all-knowing organization to solve the mystery he has to decode symbols, cite obscure books, talk about Dante A LOT. Will he win? Of course he'll win! Just make sure you don't invite him to a party because he is annoying as all hell.

Robert Langdon, famous professor of pedantry and mystery solving, is back with another amazing mystery symbol art treasure mystery hunt book. Will he solve the puzzle in time or will he stop, explain something, and then solve the puzzle in time? But in a totally new and original way to start a book, our hero has already solved the mystery but then he had amnesia and so now needs to solve the mystery again. As he battles against an all-powerful, all-knowing organization to solve the mystery he has to decode symbols, cite obscure books, talk about Dante A LOT. Will he win? Of course he'll win! Just make sure you don't invite him to a party because he is annoying as all hell.

It turns out, no matter how many shades of grey there are, it's never going to be a colorful story. As 50 Shades of Darker limped across the finish line, EL James added a couple of little plots to justify writing a third book. A skeezy boss blows up Charlie Tango the helicopter and then lurks in the bushes. But does anybody care? It's hard to, when so many pages are dedicated to Christian lurking in Bella, er, Anna's bushes. Besides those few pages of excitement, 50 Darker is split evenly. 25 shades are them having sex and 25 shades are them arguing about stupid shit. It's the most dysfunctional relationship since Ronnie & Sammie in the Jersey Shore. Most importantly, this book has taught us to stick to our guns. If you want us to read the last book, it'll cost you $1,000.

It turns out, no matter how many shades of grey there are, it's never going to be a colorful story. As 50 Shades of Darker limped across the finish line, EL James added a couple of little plots to justify writing a third book. A skeezy boss blows up Charlie Tango the helicopter and then lurks in the bushes. But does anybody care? It's hard to, when so many pages are dedicated to Christian lurking in Bella, er, Anna's bushes. Besides those few pages of excitement, 50 Darker is split evenly. 25 shades are them having sex and 25 shades are them arguing about stupid shit. It's the most dysfunctional relationship since Ronnie & Sammie in the Jersey Shore. Most importantly, this book has taught us to stick to our guns. If you want us to read the last book, it'll cost you $1,000.

We swore we wouldn't read the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey. We swore we wouldn't. Then you guys pushed and pushed and pushed and we finally gave in. And then we swore. A lot. There are only a few things we've read that are worse than Twilight, but the S&M-filled bit of Twilight fan fiction certainly qualifies. In this second installment, Christian and personalityless-girl get back together. They have sex. And they fight. And then they have sex. And then they fight. Those two things happen for 10 hours of audiobook. Some minor plot things happen either while they're having sex or while they're fighting. And then it's over and nobody is better off. We take a few minutes to discuss our survival strategies for things that are this bad (it doesn't help much) and we revisit our love for dinosaurs and things about butts.

We swore we wouldn't read the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey. We swore we wouldn't. Then you guys pushed and pushed and pushed and we finally gave in. And then we swore. A lot. There are only a few things we've read that are worse than Twilight, but the S&M-filled bit of Twilight fan fiction certainly qualifies. In this second installment, Christian and personalityless-girl get back together. They have sex. And they fight. And then they have sex. And then they fight. Those two things happen for 10 hours of audiobook. Some minor plot things happen either while they're having sex or while they're fighting. And then it's over and nobody is better off. We take a few minutes to discuss our survival strategies for things that are this bad (it doesn't help much) and we revisit our love for dinosaurs and things about butts.

There's nothing more exhilarating than driving a fast car. Well, maybe there is. Making the same movie 6 times and getting paid each time is just as good. Meet Dom. He's the leader of a gang of criminals who drive cars quickly and with angst. They can stop any adversary, so long as they battle on the open road and driving quickly and with angst is rewarded. As luck would have it, an international terrorist has stolen a MacGuffin and plans on driving it around at highway speeds. Sounds like a job for the quick and angsty gang! The two groups drive cars at or away from each other for 2 hours, Vin Diesel and The Rock act with their deltoids, and everybody is happy in the end. Join us again next year for the same movie with a number 7 in the title.

There's nothing more exhilarating than driving a fast car. Well, maybe there is. Making the same movie 6 times and getting paid each time is just as good. Meet Dom. He's the leader of a gang of criminals who drive cars quickly and with angst. They can stop any adversary, so long as they battle on the open road and driving quickly and with angst is rewarded. As luck would have it, an international terrorist has stolen a MacGuffin and plans on driving it around at highway speeds. Sounds like a job for the quick and angsty gang! The two groups drive cars at or away from each other for 2 hours, Vin Diesel and The Rock act with their deltoids, and everybody is happy in the end. Join us again next year for the same movie with a number 7 in the title.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon has all the trappings of a wonderfully bad movie. It's shot on location in a weird place with lots of local actors, all the voices are dubbed shoddily, the main actress is a stripper, and it relies heavily on stock footage of sharks. It's pretty hard to go wrong with a shark movie, and this one, try as it might, is no exception. When two attractive, single life guards find a suspiciously big shark tooth, they have only choice: talk to a smoking hot expert on dinosaur sharks. When the original owner of that shark tooth (a huge shark) gets hungry and starts eating people as they make out topless on the beach, they only have one choice: chase him down with guns and then have sex to let off steam. These forced actions all add up to a deliciously sharky movie that's right up our alley. Oh, and it has the greatest line in movie history.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon has all the trappings of a wonderfully bad movie. It's shot on location in a weird place with lots of local actors, all the voices are dubbed shoddily, the main actress is a stripper, and it relies heavily on stock footage of sharks. It's pretty hard to go wrong with a shark movie, and this one, try as it might, is no exception. When two attractive, single life guards find a suspiciously big shark tooth, they have only choice: talk to a smoking hot expert on dinosaur sharks. When the original owner of that shark tooth (a huge shark) gets hungry and starts eating people as they make out topless on the beach, they only have one choice: chase him down with guns and then have sex to let off steam. These forced actions all add up to a deliciously sharky movie that's right up our alley. Oh, and it has the greatest line in movie history.

Lost. The title tells you everything. The characters are lost. You are lost. And all hope of a satisfying ending, that's super lost. But there's also a certain addicting nature to it. Who's gonna die next? What other group of people is going to suddenly appear on the island? What happens if they don't type the code? Will they or won't they (eat the fat one)? Once you've seen lost, it also changes the way you look at every situation. From now on when you get on an airplane, you'll start looking around wondering, "If we crashed, who would be able to survive an incomprehensible plot about magic and polar bears?" ... LOST

Lost. The title tells you everything. The characters are lost. You are lost. And all hope of a satisfying ending, that's super lost. But there's also a certain addicting nature to it. Who's gonna die next? What other group of people is going to suddenly appear on the island? What happens if they don't type the code? Will they or won't they (eat the fat one)? Once you've seen lost, it also changes the way you look at every situation. From now on when you get on an airplane, you'll start looking around wondering, "If we crashed, who would be able to survive an incomprehensible plot about magic and polar bears?" ... LOST

There is nothing more impressive than a stand-up comic: standing up there alone, just a person with a microphone and some jokes. Or in the case of Punchline, a person with a microphone, a nun costume, a locker downstairs, and some jokes(?). Punchline follows Tom Hanks as a great comic (who gets lots of laughs that seem undeserved) and Sally Field as a bad comic (no laughs well deserved). As he slowly goes crazy because he's not famous enough he teaches her how to actually be funny and in the end everybody's happy. Except Polish people. Professional touring stand-up comedian Gabe Rutledge joins us to talk about the parts of the movie that seem least believable (a good show in a hospital) and most believable (file not found). And most importantly why loves this movie (something about a juggler).

There is nothing more impressive than a stand-up comic: standing up there alone, just a person with a microphone and some jokes. Or in the case of Punchline, a person with a microphone, a nun costume, a locker downstairs, and some jokes(?). Punchline follows Tom Hanks as a great comic (who gets lots of laughs that seem undeserved) and Sally Field as a bad comic (no laughs well deserved). As he slowly goes crazy because he's not famous enough he teaches her how to actually be funny and in the end everybody's happy. Except Polish people. Professional touring stand-up comedian Gabe Rutledge joins us to talk about the parts of the movie that seem least believable (a good show in a hospital) and most believable (file not found). And most importantly why loves this movie (something about a juggler).