Read it and Weep show

Read it and Weep

Summary: Read it and Weep is a good podcast about bad books, movies, and TV. Each week 2.5 comedians and a guest make fun of things like Twilight by Stephanie Meyer, Dear John by Nicholas Sparks, Going Rogue by Sarah Palin, and anything Keanu Reeves has been in.

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  • Artist: Read-Weep.com
  • Copyright: Copyright 2021 Completely Legitimate Productions.

Podcasts:

 Snakes on a Plane, Formula 51, and The Man | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 65:39

On January 12th, our entirely west-coast-based staff assembled in New York City for the first annual NYC Podfest. We opened the festival with a bang only clips of Samuel L. Jackson movies could provide. It was awesome. If you missed it, here's the recording. The audio might be a bit dodgy because of the liveness of the show, and you won't be able to see the brilliant clips we played, but you know that from previous live shows. And I still think you'll enjoy it.

 A Discovery of Witches Review | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 54:19

The one thing Twilight was missing was witches, right? This book fixes that problem by having a vampire and a witch fall in love. It's almost amazing the innovation that exists in modern literature. Diana Bishop is a librarian (exciting!) pretending not to be a witch and studying alchemy in England when she accidentally uncovers an ancient manuscript that holds the secret to... something. We're not sure. But everybody else in the world is super excited to get their hands on it (and her) starting with a morally flawless and totally hot Vampire named Matthew. They date and piss off all the vampires and witches. While participating in several boring activities (wine tasting, rowing, yoga) the two discuss the history of magical creatures and then they leave the country whenever something is about to happen. The book ends in the middle so they can sell sequels. Fun.

 A Discovery of Witches Review | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 54:19

The one thing Twilight was missing was witches, right? This book fixes that problem by having a vampire and a witch fall in love. It's almost amazing the innovation that exists in modern literature. Diana Bishop is a librarian (exciting!) pretending not to be a witch and studying alchemy in England when she accidentally uncovers an ancient manuscript that holds the secret to... something. We're not sure. But everybody else in the world is super excited to get their hands on it (and her) starting with a morally flawless and totally hot Vampire named Matthew. They date and piss off all the vampires and witches. While participating in several boring activities (wine tasting, rowing, yoga) the two discuss the history of magical creatures and then they leave the country whenever something is about to happen. The book ends in the middle so they can sell sequels. Fun.

 Amish Mafia Reviewed | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 47:21

Some things are too good to be true. Fat free ice cream, human space flight, and a show called Amish Mafia. Okay, the first two are kinda real, but Amish Mafia is definitely absolutely 100% fake. The show (which admits is at least partially "reenactments") follows Levi (anagram of "evil"!) who is not fully Amish and so is able to enforce Amish law using methods that would probably break it. He and his minions shoot up a car that damaged a buggy, they burn fake Amish furniture, and take bets on illegal barn fights. Also they're dumb as plows because Amish education ends at 8th grade. Hillarious comedian Tyler Boeh of LA joins us as we try to figure out what's real, what's fake, and what's an abomination in God's eyes. In our eyes, it's all an abomination.

 Amish Mafia Reviewed | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 47:21

Some things are too good to be true. Fat free ice cream, human space flight, and a show called Amish Mafia. Okay, the first two are kinda real, but Amish Mafia is definitely absolutely 100% fake. The show (which admits is at least partially "reenactments") follows Levi (anagram of "evil"!) who is not fully Amish and so is able to enforce Amish law using methods that would probably break it. He and his minions shoot up a car that damaged a buggy, they burn fake Amish furniture, and take bets on illegal barn fights. Also they're dumb as plows because Amish education ends at 8th grade. Hillarious comedian Tyler Boeh of LA joins us as we try to figure out what's real, what's fake, and what's an abomination in God's eyes. In our eyes, it's all an abomination.

 Jersey Shore Finale | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 56:52

There are many things 2012 will be known for, but I think it will mostly be remembered as the year Jersey Shore ended. No, I take that back. Nobody will care at all that Jersey Shore ended. Yeah, that's what I meant. Everybody's favorite meatballs (not counting actual meatballs, which are much more entertaining) hit the home stretch in the second half of season 6. And boy do they look the worse for six seasons of this crap. Everybody's tired and sad and their faces look like they were tea bagged by an elephant. As they fade into the sunset, The Situation is sober, Snooki is pregnant with what's sure to be a gifted and talented child, Ronnie and Sammi are thinking of moving in together to create domestic bliss, Deena is mostly out of Jail, and Vinnie and Pauly D are both still 100 times more charming than everybody else. Everybody wins. Except America. America lost hard core.

 Jersey Shore Finale | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 56:52

There are many things 2012 will be known for, but I think it will mostly be remembered as the year Jersey Shore ended. No, I take that back. Nobody will care at all that Jersey Shore ended. Yeah, that's what I meant. Everybody's favorite meatballs (not counting actual meatballs, which are much more entertaining) hit the home stretch in the second half of season 6. And boy do they look the worse for six seasons of this crap. Everybody's tired and sad and their faces look like they were tea bagged by an elephant. As they fade into the sunset, The Situation is sober, Snooki is pregnant with what's sure to be a gifted and talented child, Ronnie and Sammi are thinking of moving in together to create domestic bliss, Deena is mostly out of Jail, and Vinnie and Pauly D are both still 100 times more charming than everybody else. Everybody wins. Except America. America lost hard core.

 Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, The Santa Clause 3, and A Muppet Christmas Carol | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 61:26

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Except for summer. And Spring break. And my birthday. It's one of the top five most wonderful times of year! It's not so wonderful for Santa in Santa Claus Conquers The Martians ,where he is kidnapped by people of Mars (who look like earth people but with green face paint and steam-punk helmets). But in the end, Christmas is saved by a goofy alien and some precocious kids! It's not so wonderful for Ebenezer Scrooge in A Muppet Christmas Carol, where he is a bit too grumpy and doesn't celebrate this particular religious holiday so everybody makes his life terrible. But in the end, Christmas is saved by three ghosts, one who looks like a preemie baby in a bed sheet! It's not so wonderful for Tim Allen in The Santa Clause 3, where he has to fight Jack Frost the douchy broadway star / theme park magnate. But in the end, Christmas is saved by a little red head hugging an old man. Merry Christmas if you celebrate. If not, sorry for adding more shitty Christmas media to the world.

 Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, The Santa Clause 3, and A Muppet Christmas Carol | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 61:26

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Except for summer. And Spring break. And my birthday. It's one of the top five most wonderful times of year! It's not so wonderful for Santa in Santa Claus Conquers The Martians ,where he is kidnapped by people of Mars (who look like earth people but with green face paint and steam-punk helmets). But in the end, Christmas is saved by a goofy alien and some precocious kids! It's not so wonderful for Ebenezer Scrooge in A Muppet Christmas Carol, where he is a bit too grumpy and doesn't celebrate this particular religious holiday so everybody makes his life terrible. But in the end, Christmas is saved by three ghosts, one who looks like a preemie baby in a bed sheet! It's not so wonderful for Tim Allen in The Santa Clause 3, where he has to fight Jack Frost the douchy broadway star / theme park magnate. But in the end, Christmas is saved by a little red head hugging an old man. Merry Christmas if you celebrate. If not, sorry for adding more shitty Christmas media to the world.

 Shadowmancer Review | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 45:16

Surely we must be running out of crappy young adult fantasy books trying to cash in on the success of Harry Potter. This time it's a satanist vicar and a Jamaican kid. What's next? Vampires and werewolves kissing? Shadowmancer is the story of a couple kids who get roped into fighting against the devil when a beautiful boy from Africa (but his accent sounds Jamaican on the audiobook) shows up and asks for help getting his doll back. The doll has been stolen by the town vicar who secretly is really super evil. Uh oh. What's that? When you dance with the devil he doesn't let you lead? Shocking! Well now everybody's fighting for their lives against the beast. That's fun. G. P. Taylor really did write this as a response to Harry Potter. Except he didn't notice that what made HP good wasn't just that there were kids and magic. It was good writing, a sense of fun, characters that matter, etc. Without those, you've just got a convoluted mess that might be trying to convert kids to Christianity. I suspect it won't work.

 Shadowmancer Review | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 45:16

Surely we must be running out of crappy young adult fantasy books trying to cash in on the success of Harry Potter. This time it's a satanist vicar and a Jamaican kid. What's next? Vampires and werewolves kissing? Shadowmancer is the story of a couple kids who get roped into fighting against the devil when a beautiful boy from Africa (but his accent sounds Jamaican on the audiobook) shows up and asks for help getting his doll back. The doll has been stolen by the town vicar who secretly is really super evil. Uh oh. What's that? When you dance with the devil he doesn't let you lead? Shocking! Well now everybody's fighting for their lives against the beast. That's fun. G. P. Taylor really did write this as a response to Harry Potter. Except he didn't notice that what made HP good wasn't just that there were kids and magic. It was good writing, a sense of fun, characters that matter, etc. Without those, you've just got a convoluted mess that might be trying to convert kids to Christianity. I suspect it won't work.

 Super Mario Bros. Movie Review | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 60:26

Many people have fond memories of Super Mario Bros. Nobody has fond memories of this early 90s campy movie. It's like the creators thought the only important part of the game was that the main characters were plumbers. Nothing else is the same. The names have changed, they're not twins anymore, the dinosaurs are people. It's like if somebody made a movie out of Sonic The Hedgehog starring a horse who collects candy. Add to that multiple directors, constant rewrites, and a cast that was drinking through the whole experience and you've got the making of a RiaW classic film. New York film student Ben Kegan joins us to talk about the movie's finer points and video game designer Jace Proctor joins us to say racist things about Italian people.

 Super Mario Bros. Movie Review | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 60:26

Many people have fond memories of Super Mario Bros. Nobody has fond memories of this early 90s campy movie. It's like the creators thought the only important part of the game was that the main characters were plumbers. Nothing else is the same. The names have changed, they're not twins anymore, the dinosaurs are people. It's like if somebody made a movie out of Sonic The Hedgehog starring a horse who collects candy. Add to that multiple directors, constant rewrites, and a cast that was drinking through the whole experience and you've got the making of a RiaW classic film. New York film student Ben Kegan joins us to talk about the movie's finer points and video game designer Jace Proctor joins us to say racist things about Italian people.

 Death Bed: The Bed That Gets Reviewed By Us | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 52:55

Once you decide to name your movie Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is that you never have to explain the premise to people. "It's a bed, Larry. It eats. How hard is this?" On the other hand, don't ask anybody to explain why the bed eats people. "Because it's evil, Larry! And hungry." Such is the plot of the 1977 no-budget horror film that we review in this episode. It's as delightful and bizarre as it sounds. A series of women, many topless, lay on the bed and get sucked into the sheets and then digested by some bubbly yellow fluids. Apparently it had something to do with a demon who made the bed to be a sex bed but then accidentally killed somebody on it and his tears turn the bed evil. There's nobody better to talk to about a movie like this than Matt & Kseniya of the 'zine I Love Bad Movies.

 Death Bed: The Bed That Gets Reviewed By Us | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 52:55

Once you decide to name your movie Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is that you never have to explain the premise to people. "It's a bed, Larry. It eats. How hard is this?" On the other hand, don't ask anybody to explain why the bed eats people. "Because it's evil, Larry! And hungry." Such is the plot of the 1977 no-budget horror film that we review in this episode. It's as delightful and bizarre as it sounds. A series of women, many topless, lay on the bed and get sucked into the sheets and then digested by some bubbly yellow fluids. Apparently it had something to do with a demon who made the bed to be a sex bed but then accidentally killed somebody on it and his tears turn the bed evil. There's nobody better to talk to about a movie like this than Matt & Kseniya of the 'zine I Love Bad Movies.

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