Read it and Weep

A bad pirate movie is like a bad pizza: it's not impossible, but the ingredients were all there and you really shouldn't have messed up something so wonderful. Cutthroat Island is a bad pirate movie.Geena Davis and Matthew Modine (Bodine?) star is this nonsensical pirate action rom com. Few people are less believable as pirates and few pirates are less believable as love interests. But it isn't without joy. There's a musket-loading monkey, a map on a barrel of eels, and the movie ruined its production company. All of which is pretty fun.Sarah Hatheway joins us to discuss the importance of a strong female character and we play a rousing game of King of Bullshit Mountain.

We know a thing or two about vampire movies. But if each of those other movies had a thing or two in common with Once Bitten, the 1985 Jim Carrey vehicle, we'd like them all more.Carrey plays Mark, an 18-year-old virgin (isn't that funny?) who gets seduced by a vampire who needs virgin-blood the way Chris needs Skittles. She gets her first two drinks but her third one is spoiled by a crazy dance-off. It's exactly as fun as it sounds.This movie is a favorite of Matt and Kseniya, the creators of the 'zine I Love Bad Movies which really should be called We Love Bad Movies but oh well.

We know a thing or two about vampire movies. But if each of those other movies had a thing or two in common with Once Bitten, the 1985 Jim Carrey vehicle, we'd like them all more.Carrey plays Mark, an 18-year-old virgin (isn't that funny?) who gets seduced by a vampire who needs virgin-blood the way Chris needs Skittles. She gets her first two drinks but her third one is spoiled by a crazy dance-off. It's exactly as fun as it sounds.This movie is a favorite of Matt and Kseniya, the creators of the 'zine I Love Bad Movies which really should be called We Love Bad Movies but oh well.

If there's one thing the world needs, it's more rich ladies to find themselves by experiencing the life of a poor person for a couple weeks. Fortunately, the world has Mindy Budgor who was willing to go camping in Kenya for a couple weeks thereby ending sexism and becoming a Warrior Princess.In this fine memoir, Budgor decides to become "the first female Maasai warrior," if you call somebody who completes a very small portion of the training and doesn't serve a single day a warrior. Mostly, she just hangs out with some warriors in the forest and throws up the gross food she eats. Also she thinks there are dinosaurs in Kenya for some reason and she wears lots of nail polish. It's very impressive.In this episode we brought along Amanda, our expert on White People Behaving Badly. Make sure to check her out on SkepChick.org if you want to read about women actually helping out women, instead of using their social situations to go on fun adventures. Thanks to Anne for sponsoring!

If there's one thing the world needs, it's more rich ladies to find themselves by experiencing the life of a poor person for a couple weeks. Fortunately, the world has Mindy Budgor who was willing to go camping in Kenya for a couple weeks thereby ending sexism and becoming a Warrior Princess.In this fine memoir, Budgor decides to become "the first female Maasai warrior," if you call somebody who completes a very small portion of the training and doesn't serve a single day a warrior. Mostly, she just hangs out with some warriors in the forest and throws up the gross food she eats. Also she thinks there are dinosaurs in Kenya for some reason and she wears lots of nail polish. It's very impressive.In this episode we brought along Amanda, our expert on White People Behaving Badly. Make sure to check her out on SkepChick.org if you want to read about women actually helping out women, instead of using their social situations to go on fun adventures. Thanks to Anne for sponsoring!

It's a sad fact that racism exists. Happily, there's one man brave enough to stand up to it, and it's Kung fu green beret Billy Jack.Tom Laughlin writes, directs, and stars as the Billy Jack of all trades, provided those trades involve kicking ass in the name of social justice. Billy is the protector of a charter school on Indian land that specializes in protest songs and improv, which are both as painful to watch as they sound.While it's probably good to have somebody making a movie about this difficult issue, there's a real Noble Savages feeling to the whole thing. And while Billy is kinda fun, his counterparts are exactly what everybody hates about hippies: they think they can solve any problem by playing acoustic guitars.

It's a sad fact that racism exists. Happily, there's one man brave enough to stand up to it, and it's Kung fu green beret Billy Jack.Tom Laughlin writes, directs, and stars as the Billy Jack of all trades, provided those trades involve kicking ass in the name of social justice. Billy is the protector of a charter school on Indian land that specializes in protest songs and improv, which are both as painful to watch as they sound.While it's probably good to have somebody making a movie about this difficult issue, there's a real Noble Savages feeling to the whole thing. And while Billy is kinda fun, his counterparts are exactly what everybody hates about hippies: they think they can solve any problem by playing acoustic guitars.

It's the movie that changed action films forever. Die Hard defined the hot-mess action hero and showed everybody the dangers of unfinished office buildings. And this was the first time Alex saw it.Die Hard is the not-really-guilty pleasure of first-time guest Luke Burbank (Too Beautiful To Live, Live Wire! Radio, Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me) who saw it as a kid and loved it ever since. He explains why he loved it so much, how it affected his view of Christmas parties and marriage, and what it taught him about being a tower-vigilante.Look, I know you already love Die Hard. I don't have to sell you on it. So jump in and start listening, this was a super fun episode.

It's the movie that changed action films forever. Die Hard defined the hot-mess action hero and showed everybody the dangers of unfinished office buildings. And this was the first time Alex saw it.Die Hard is the not-really-guilty pleasure of first-time guest Luke Burbank (Too Beautiful To Live, Live Wire! Radio, Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me) who saw it as a kid and loved it ever since. He explains why he loved it so much, how it affected his view of Christmas parties and marriage, and what it taught him about being a tower-vigilante.Look, I know you already love Die Hard. I don't have to sell you on it. So jump in and start listening, this was a super fun episode.

Have you got problems at your restaurant? Well Gordon Ramsay is here to help. Well, he's here to yell at you and give you stuff, if that helps, great.That's right, it's the American version of Kitchen Nightmares. Much like its British predecessor, the U.S. version features Ramsay going around to restaurants that are in dire straights and trying to fix them up. Unlike the British version, his swearing is beeped and he's got a ton of money to spend. So be prepared for some fake anger for the cameras and some expensive overnight renovations. Also be prepared for the restaurant to close soon after he leaves.We dove into these four episodes (curated by Alex who is a huge fan).s01e22 - Cafe 36s02e02 - Flamangoss03e12 - Capris05e16 - Amy's Baking CompanyIn the comments, let us know whether Kitchen Nightmares makes you think you could own a restaurant or not.

Have you got problems at your restaurant? Well Gordon Ramsay is here to help. Well, he's here to yell at you and give you stuff, if that helps, great.That's right, it's the American version of Kitchen Nightmares. Much like its British predecessor, the U.S. version features Ramsay going around to restaurants that are in dire straights and trying to fix them up. Unlike the British version, his swearing is beeped and he's got a ton of money to spend. So be prepared for some fake anger for the cameras and some expensive overnight renovations. Also be prepared for the restaurant to close soon after he leaves.We dove into these four episodes (curated by Alex who is a huge fan).s01e22 - Cafe 36s02e02 - Flamangoss03e12 - Capris05e16 - Amy's Baking CompanyIn the comments, let us know whether Kitchen Nightmares makes you think you could own a restaurant or not.

Since losing the 2008 presidential election and almost completing a full term as governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin has remained on the edge of the national consciousness. She's like America's racist aunt; not evil, just painfully ignorant and around the holidays she usually opens her mouth and says something embarrassing.For her newest book, Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting The Heart of Christmas, a team of ghost writers produced a couple hundred pages about The War on Christmas, a horrible war that doesn't actually exist. It's an amazing work that reads like an exam question in Logical Fallacies 101. Can you find all 50 fallacies? Don't try. Your brain will turn to mush.We push through the mushy brains and discuss the world of Google Trends and bears. It's fun. Merry Holidays to all of you, and may your new year be completely free of Palin books!

Since losing the 2008 presidential election and almost completing a full term as governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin has remained on the edge of the national consciousness. She's like America's racist aunt; not evil, just painfully ignorant and around the holidays she usually opens her mouth and says something embarrassing.For her newest book, Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting The Heart of Christmas, a team of ghost writers produced a couple hundred pages about The War on Christmas, a horrible war that doesn't actually exist. It's an amazing work that reads like an exam question in Logical Fallacies 101. Can you find all 50 fallacies? Don't try. Your brain will turn to mush.We push through the mushy brains and discuss the world of Google Trends and bears. It's fun. Merry Holidays to all of you, and may your new year be completely free of Palin books!

You remember that time you were in high school and you were miserable? Want to hear an adult try to remember that but end up sounding more like a puppy than a human child? Want to hear a long list of songs somebody in 1991 might have listened to? Then you need to read Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.Perks is a novel written as a series of "letters" from a kid who just doesn't get high school. He's sad all the time because of reasons (to be explained later) and he deals with that sadness by having friends, listening to music, doing drugs, and reading books his teacher gives him outside of class. And talking like no kid has ever talked. You, the reader, are put in the awkward position of a kid receiving these letters who definitely didn't ask for them.This episode was sponsored as a gift to Caitlyn. Merry Christmas, Caitlyn! If you're buying gifts online, make sure to go to read-weep.com/amazon!

You remember that time you were in high school and you were miserable? Want to hear an adult try to remember that but end up sounding more like a puppy than a human child? Want to hear a long list of songs somebody in 1991 might have listened to? Then you need to read Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.Perks is a novel written as a series of "letters" from a kid who just doesn't get high school. He's sad all the time because of reasons (to be explained later) and he deals with that sadness by having friends, listening to music, doing drugs, and reading books his teacher gives him outside of class. And talking like no kid has ever talked. You, the reader, are put in the awkward position of a kid receiving these letters who definitely didn't ask for them.This episode was sponsored as a gift to Caitlyn. Merry Christmas, Caitlyn! If you're buying gifts online, make sure to go to read-weep.com/amazon!