Read it and Weep show

Read it and Weep

Summary: Read it and Weep is a good podcast about bad books, movies, and TV. Each week 2.5 comedians and a guest make fun of things like Twilight by Stephanie Meyer, Dear John by Nicholas Sparks, Going Rogue by Sarah Palin, and anything Keanu Reeves has been in.

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  • Artist: Read-Weep.com
  • Copyright: Copyright 2021 Completely Legitimate Productions.

Podcasts:

 #PODCRAWL: Batman Forever | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 61:15

#PODCRAWL is back! This time around we've partnered with Bonnie & Maude and Proudly Resents to tackle three Batman sequels from the 90s. Smack dab in the middle is this gem, Batman Forever, AKA a long preview of the Seal's "Kissed by a Rose" music video.We're joined by Alison AKA Instagram's @taintdog to talk about tap dancing in the Batmobile, Jim Carrey's pink hair, flight simulators, and so much more! Is this the worst Batman movie? Of course not! That's Batman & Robin. But it's pretty bad. Get listening and then check out #PODCRAWL buddies. DO IT NOW!

 The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 52:07

The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen is a heart warming story about a loving family celebrating the holidays.Correction: In the previous paragraph we mis-identified The Corrections as being heart warming, when it is actually the gut-wrenching recitation of several horrible people bickering for hundreds of pages. We regret the error.Thanks to Randianne and Ryan for sponsoring this episode, and for correctly identifying that it's a painful book. We agree.

 The Oxford Murders | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 67:24

It's serial killer day in the Oxford University math club and everybody's dying (of natural causes) to know whodunnit. Well don't get too excited by the solution to the puzzle in The Oxford Murders will disappoint you.Elijah Wood (famous for his role as, well, everybody knows) stars as a precocious American math whiz who, despite being a genius, is the dumbest person in every scene. His eyes burn but the plot fizzles as he tries to solve the greatest puzzle of all time. And to make everything more complicated, every single woman he meets instantly falls in sex with him.If you like math gibberish and hint of mystery, this might be a great movie for you. But even then, it might not.Thanks to Sarah for sponsoring!

 The Fatherhood Film Festival | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 54:35

Ezra's going on paternity leave soon, but before his first child is born, he needs to learn how to be a dad. Fortunately, he's got the help of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vin Diesel, and the most annoying talking babies of all time.First up it's Junior, the movie about a man carrying a fetus to term in his abdomen and giving birth. Played by Schwarzenegger, he's no worse at acting pregnant than any other roll.Then we jump to babies in Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, one of the worst films of all time. They're talking, but you don't want to hear what they say.Lastly we watched The Pacifier, a movie about Vin Diesel playing a nanny. It's not good, compared to the other two it's really comforting.We wish Ezra the best in the coming weeks. Nick, on the other hand, is never going to be a dad so he's passing his life advice along to the Internet here: NoSonOfMine.com

 Boys Before Friends Webseries Reviewed | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 65:34

There's this very popular Japanese Manga called Hana Yori Dango ("Boys Over Flowers"). It's been adapted a bunch of times with varying levels of quality. This is the lowest of those levels.Boys Before Friends is a web series made by fans of the Manga and loosely based on the story. But instead of high school this one takes place in an elite law/dance grad school that only has 8 students. Also the main actors change every episode. Also also you can't hear most of the dialogue. It's pretty bad.As mentioned on the episode, however, this moment where an actress pretends to be slipping is pretty awesome:Thanks to Heather for sponsoring this weird and interesting topic. Hope your Twitter club enjoys our episode!

 Stone of Tears Reviewed | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 1:13:06

After the thousand pages of Wizard's First Rule, it didn't seem like there was much more to say. But that's never held Terry Goodkind back, so he wrote another thousand pages of wizards walking around being sex tortured. And that is the Stone of Tears.Stone of Tears is about Richard and Kahlan, two attractive heroes of magic world who walk a long way across Magicland (and then walk and walk and walk) who are trying to stop the devil from killing everybody. But they're like hero cats because they're constantly distracted by unrelated problems. So they walk and get distracted and walk and get sex tortured. And that's the book.We play the game of Juggernaut to figure out how to stop "Kahtard" from stopping evil. Thanks to Winston for sponsoring (but also we hate you and you suck).BONUS! Make sure you stay through the credits because there's a special clip from Chris and Alex's early days of radio.

 Foodfight! Reviewed | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 60:19

Imagine the movie Toy Story but without any of the things that made Toy Story good. Instead of likable toys, they're pervy corporate icons and Nazis. Instead of beautiful animation, it's animated by graphing calculators. Instead of a plot, it's just a food puns and farting. That movie you're imagining is Foodfight!.Originally set for a 2003 release, it got pushed back multiple times and was eventually forced out by the insurance company. If that doesn't make it sound great, you don't know anything about bad movies. It's a masterpiece of confusing garbagey weirdness. So bad it's good? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a spam.To read more about the optimism before the movie was finished, check out this NY Times article. And the creepy British commercial Alex was talking about is part of a creepy British series of commercials (h/t: @magicdarts).

 Heaven Is For Real - Movie Review | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 56:29

Over 100 episodes ago, we reviewed this silly little book about a boy who had a particularly vivid dream about heaven that launched a book career for his dad. As the money grab of Heaven Is For Real continues, we have to keep up including their new "major" motion picture.At 100 minutes, the film feels heavily padded. It takes 40 minutes for the main event to happen, Todd Burpo's son dreaming about heaven. And then the rest of the movie is Todd deciding whether or not to exploit it. Very little happens, even by the standards of movies we watch. If you don't believe in heaven before hand, you certainly won't after the boy provides lots of "impossibly specific proof" of his journey including "It was very beautiful" and Jesus's horse was "all the colors." If you're lucky, it'll make you not want to have kids.After watching God's Not Dead, it's starting to feel like lazy religious propaganda is one of our specialties. Oops.

 Gozu | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 60:17

Gozu may be the weirdest movie ever made. It follows a Yakuza member as he tries to find his dead brother who ends up getting birthed, fully grown, out of a hot woman he tries to have sex with.Here is the face he made when that happened:I made the same face, but I didn't have as much goo on me at the time.That's the weirdest thing that happens, but the soup ladle thing is a close second and everything else is a close third. But another weird thing? The movie is pretty great. We all liked it to various degrees. It's beautifully shot, funny, and the weirdness seems intentional even if we don't know why.

 God's Not Dead | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 58:33

"God is dead." -Nietzsche. "We don't understand philosophy." -The people who made God's Not Dead.Nobody will ever accuse the Christian right of owning Hollywood. Especially not when they see religious movies made so clumsily it almost seems an intentional argument against the existence of a benevolent god. God's Not Dead is one such bumblefuck with terrible dialogue, nonsensical plot elements, and the most obvious straw man since Wizard of Oz.Chris, Alex, and Ez all studied philosophy in college, so the most offensive part of the movie for them isn't it's racism, sexism, anti-Islamic content, or dismissal of western medicine (although that's all troubling). It's the portrayal of philosophy professors as dumb. They're not, as this logician proves in his response to the movie.If there is a God, I'm sure he doesn't want his followers making such terrible movies.

 Forever Knight | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 61:07

Forever Knight is a TV show about a vampire cop that aired in Canada in the late 80s and early 90s. It's campy, silly, and awful, or in other words, perfect.Knight stars Geraint Wyn Davies as a police detective in Toronto, except he's also a vampire with a heart of gold and a series of flashbacks built on the set that resembles a high school play. While he puts in his time before collecting a pension forever, he tries to become less of a vampire, battles with his nemesis, a self-help DJ, and pals around with his pal Detective Skanky. He solves crimes, but they seem pretty secondary to... well nothing really seems like the focus.We watched episodes s01e09, s02e02,s02e15, and s3e10, which makes the show seem even more frantic. But as usual, it's 100% better than Twilight.

 Forever Knight | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 61:07

Forever Knight is a TV show about a vampire cop that aired in Canada in the late 80s and early 90s. It's campy, silly, and awful, or in other words, perfect.Knight stars Geraint Wyn Davies as a police detective in Toronto, except he's also a vampire with a heart of gold and a series of flashbacks built on the set that resembles a high school play. While he puts in his time before collecting a pension forever, he tries to become less of a vampire, battles with his nemesis, a self-help DJ, and pals around with his pal Detective Skanky. He solves crimes, but they seem pretty secondary to... well nothing really seems like the focus.We watched episodes s01e09, s02e02,s02e15, and s3e10, which makes the show seem even more frantic. But as usual, it's 100% better than Twilight.

 Divergent Movie | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 57:26

When you're 15ish, you're torn from your home and forced to choose between being smart, wearing an itchy sweater, or jogging everywhere. Oh no, you can't decide! You must be... Divergent... the movie.Our dreams were finally made reality last week when the movie adaptation of Veronica Roth's silly dystopian novel Divergent was released. There we were, eagerly sitting in theaters waiting to see the zip lie from the Sear's Tower, wondering when somebody would take a knife in the eye, when it dawned on us. This movie is boring.It's not that it lacks action--there are one or two minutes of fighting and a decent amount of unsafe train boarding--or romance--there's a creepy teacher/student relationship that lacks chemistry--it's just that... it's boring. 2 and a half hours of middle of the road, off-the-shelf dystopia. The only thing different are the rules and there are lots of those.

 Divergent Movie | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 57:26

When you're 15ish, you're torn from your home and forced to choose between being smart, wearing an itchy sweater, or jogging everywhere. Oh no, you can't decide! You must be... Divergent... the movie.Our dreams were finally made reality last week when the movie adaptation of Veronica Roth's silly dystopian novel Divergent was released. There we were, eagerly sitting in theaters waiting to see the zip lie from the Sear's Tower, wondering when somebody would take a knife in the eye, when it dawned on us. This movie is boring.It's not that it lacks action--there are one or two minutes of fighting and a decent amount of unsafe train boarding--or romance--there's a creepy teacher/student relationship that lacks chemistry--it's just that... it's boring. 2 and a half hours of middle of the road, off-the-shelf dystopia. The only thing different are the rules and there are lots of those.

 Bloodsport Reviewed | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 52:15

Jean-Claude Van Damme can't really act, it's true. But what he can do is fan kick and do splits over the radiator and he does both to great effect in Bloodsport.Bloodsport is the story of an American who learns martial arts as punishment for breaking into a house as a child. He goes AWOL from the military to fight in an underground Chinese fight club along with his new BFF Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. And then he kicks lots and lots of faces. And then it's over. Oh, and Forrest Whitaker plays a bumbling cop which is awesome.It's like watching a cheesy video game, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.Thanks to Christian for sponsoring it. Check out his podcast with Amanda Leinbaugh about the show Survivor.

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